Having it all is something I’ve judged myself on for many years since we had children. First of all, nothing can prepare you for starting a family and all that comes with it.  If anyone told me the drastic changes that lay ahead, I wouldn’t have believed them.  Maybe it is just me, but I do look at my life pre children and it is like chalk and cheese.  I was so organised… I didn’t need a notepad for meetings, I could remember it verbatim. The house was like a show house.  I would deep clean it every other night (extreme much?!) I would give Monica Geller a run for her money.  Then we had children.

Don’t get me wrong… I am delighted to have my little family and it was a rough ride to get here.  If you are a regular reader, you know how much I document our happy times, those special moments and the tiny details that I want to remember forever.  That being said, having children takes ‘plate spinning’ to a whole new level.  That notepad in my brain must have gone in the recycling, because I had to have one within arms reach at all times, even for the smallest of things. Everything I was before became impossible to maintain and I’m not afraid to say it, but I let the ball drop and boy did I wallow in it.

There is a lot out there about ‘having it all’ as women.  You can be a mother, career woman and domestic goddess, but I read a post recently from Toby & Roo and it was a huge game changer for me.  I had spent so much time and energy getting back what I used to be, but at the same time keep what I am now.  I’ve documented on here before about my attempts to grab back a bit of show house or organisation that I used to thrive on.  But it was never sustainable.  We run such a tight ship here that it only took someone being ill, or a weekend away and I’d feel thrown back down the snake to square one.  No wonder I was constantly exhausted, mentally and physically and always feeling like I was operating in survival mode!

It’s taken six years and a few open hearted women to make me realise that ‘having it all’ and ‘compromise’ can intermingle.  To me the phrase ‘having it all’ now has a whole new meaning.  It’s not about being something you once were, but about adapting and recognising your new normal.

I’m a mother

Sure my kids go to nursery sometimes and I use holiday clubs and breakfast clubs.  But that doesn’t define me… I’m still there for my girls when they need me, lying next to them in the middle of the night when they aren’t well, going to their class assemblies and doing the bike breakfast at school.

I’m a career woman

I might not wear a business suit from 8am until 5pm, 5 days a week.  But that doesn’t define me… I run my own marketing business, as well as this space here on the internet and have the drive and determination to be successful.

I’m a domestic goddess

Ok, so it might not be a showhouse and Monica Geller might be standing at my door with her bucket of cleaning products begging to be let in.  But that doesn’t define me… I still manage to make sure that there is food in the cupboards and somewhere to put toys in relatively nice surroundings.

Best of all… I’m happy…

To hell with sterotyping… It’s a modern world where labels and pigeon holes don’t really have the same holding on us.  Embrace your new normal!

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9 Comments

  1. Love this post Pamela. You are so right, we need to re-think what ‘having it all’ actually means. Far too often we get caught up in what our lives should look like that we forget to just be in the moment. I constantly have to re-frame and re-think my expectations and remind myself that it’s ok to do that, and that I don’t need to be perfect. I mean, who is?! xx
    Morgana recently posted…Summer holiday essentials wish listMy Profile

  2. I couldn’t agree more Pamela! And social media (especially Instagram) can make us feel even worse about our own balance. I no longer try to ‘have it all’ – just be as positive and happy as possible. Life’s too short to ‘have it all’ it’s far more important to relax and not worry!
    Heledd – Running in Lavender recently posted…My Next Summer StyleMy Profile

  3. I love this post, and honestly I don’t think it is possible to have it all. Life is such a juggling act and when some things are going well a ball is dropped somewhere, I think I’ve just learnt when that happens you pick it up and carry on and try not to give yourself to hard a time about it. Women tend to be so hard on themselves wanting to be the perfect mum/wife/career woman but it’s almost impossible to be on top of all of those things all the time. I am so nervous about returning to work full time as I know by mind is going to be blown with all I have to remember and keep on top of. It’ll be fine (or that’s what I keep telling myself anyway) xx
    Not A Frumpy Mum recently posted…Graco Baby Bootcamp & Top Tips For Life With A NewbornMy Profile

  4. Amazing post Pamela and so true. I will be talking about this a lot at blog on for my blog life balance speaking session. It’s about what you think is having it all and your new normal whatever that maybe as long as you are happy you are doing it right in my head girl. I think it sounds like you have a great handle on your family, business, blog, home life too. Balance sometimes get thrown off but you just do your best and if you are happy with your balance than I think you certainly have it all. It’s hard to compare our lives what they used to be and what they are now but I love the way you put it here. A New normal!!!
    Jenny recently posted…Next School Uniforms with my Little VolunteersMy Profile

  5. I read Harriet’s post too, I thought it was so relatable. I think we all find ourselves in a position where we think we should have it all, from time to time. I know I do. I find it very difficult to juggle everything and often beat myself up in the process. Currently working on finding a happy medium, I haven’t quite got there yet!! xxx

    Kerry Villers recently posted…Life Lately …My Profile

  6. Gorgeous post honey, I can’t agree more. What is the perfect life, I think we all have to truly embrace what we have and make the most of it. Finding a balance is so tough no matter what the circumstance, one day I hope to find more. For me I find re thinking and focussing on a different aspect of our life helps. Love to you and yours x
    Kerri-Ann Hargreaves recently posted…Snapshots & Scenes {August}My Profile

  7. This post really made me think. I reckon that everyone has their own version of ‘having it all’ and as long as it’s one that works for you then that’s ok. I’m so far beyond comparing myself to others and caring what other people think now (and it’s taken a LOT of hard work, personal development, therapy and soul searching to reach this point, believe me, and even then I still have my ‘off’ days). As long as my kids are happy and healthy that’s all that matters x

  8. YEP!! There is a lot of pressure to look great, have a fab career, wonderful home etc and it isn’t possible. I am so happy with my life right now and not prepared to go chasing more ambition right now. I feel like I have the perfect balance of being at home and working on things I love, plus being here for the twins. Great post! xx
    Jess Soothill recently posted…Me, my blog and IMy Profile

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