This isn’t the first post I have written about how particular I am, or how I struggle to acknowledge when I’m doing something really well… I’m starting to wonder if it’s something that will always linger on in the background. I wonder how many other people constantly put themselves under the microscope and only see the things that ‘could have been done better’. Surely there is a little bit of the perfectionist that lives in us all?
This year I wanted to give myself a bit of a break, not beat myself up quite so much and recognise my achievements in work and life, but it’s proving really tough. It’s one thing to shy away from talking about anything that I believe I’ve achieved in public, through fear of it being perceived as being boastful, but to not want to ‘boast’ to yourself… well that’s just utter nonsense. The funny thing about it all is that I can really easily see and appreciate the achievements in others. I regularly message, tweet or text someone and tell them how amazing a vlog, post or piece of work was. It’s easy to recognise the good in others, but not always so easy to do the same to yourself.
I watched a vlog recently by Louise Pentland and she hit the nail on the head for me. She talked about being at a business breakfast for successful women and when it came to her turn to stand up and run off her list of achievements, she felt intensely awkward about it. In turn she probably underplayed her success. Louise went on to explain that it wasn’t because she wasn’t proud, because infact she was immensely proud of what she had achieved to date. It was the fact that she didn’t want to make anyone feel awkward by being so outwardly proud. I could relate instantly to what she was saying… the feeling of standing there listing your achievements and being met with what you perceive as a row of ‘just lost an oscar’ faces, when the truth is they are more likely to be genuinely happy for you… the same way you were when they listed theirs.
So my quest for giving myself a break continues on, but I guess it comes with a few interesting realisations along the way.